History Beer Pong

What Christmas present should I get my mentally challenged neighbor (details inside)?
He likes the show "The Office" and likes math, drawing, graphics, drinking beer and playing beer pong. He has no job and dressing a bit dorky, but it's pretty cool and fun to hang out with. He is also plump and have a family history of heart problems, is only 23 and masturbate a lot. Any ideas?
One of those calendars that start every day a page that has the appointment of the Office. Maybe some tissues?
Greatest comeback win in beer pong history?