American Beers List
Living by the List
Every one of us should be required at the age of thirteen to create The List. The list of questions with which we examine any person who shows the slightest interest in going beyond the “Hi, how are you?” stage.
Without The List, we carom off each other like billiard balls on a fast table. Our hearts break and mend, break and mend, until by chance, we find our ‘true love’ or our hearts calcify from all that breaking.
Do I exaggerate? I think not. While we’re making lists, make one now that has the names of all the people you’ve known who have had only one relationship of any significance (read: third date) in their lifetime.
Finished? I thought so. Doesn’t take long, does it? I mean, how many Great Aunt Marthas can a person have? You know, the one who married at fifteen, lost her husband a year later and vowed never to love again? Admit it, we’re not good at this future-partner-qualifying thing.
But we could be, if we used The List. We could cut off at the knees anyone who, for example, chewed ice (Sample Question #1: Does he/she make loud, unnecessary noises when eating?). We could save ourselves the hassle of screening our calls if we identify the potential stalker quickly (Sample Question #2: Do they talk obsessively about former lovers?) See how this works? We save ourselves heartache, therapy and billable attorney hours by pulling out The List before we hand out our phone numbers.
So much time could be saved. So many cringing memories could be spared. Please hear me say this: you must develop The List if you want to have a chance in Heaven of making the next relationship livable. Start now – rush to your computer (or paper and pen, if you must) and jot down ten things which you absolutely could not tolerate in a lifemate.
To help get you started, let me give you My List. I could not entertain a lifetime relationship with someone who: 1)has back hair, 2)fears un-American food, 3)picks their nose in public, 4)votes like my parents, 5)owns a beer bong, 6)borrows my clothes, 7)makes that disgusting spitting sound, 8)elevates ‘cheap’ to an art form, 9)makes fun of my job, or, 10)actually enjoys fusion jazz.
Think about it. If one of the things on My List bugs me now, what’s it going to do twenty years into the relationship? Make me want to kill them?
Do yourself a favor. Make The List, live The List, trust The List. And marry one of the three people who passes your screening…
About the Author
Kate Eaton lives and works in the U.S. as a Virtual Assistant. She’s happy to report that she has, at long last, found someone who passed The List with flying colors! To contact Kate, go to www.keysupportservices.com.
Congo: Sony, Barclays Bank, Anglo American & De Beers